


Two Winchesters, An Angel and a Moose

by Bad Samaritan (quodpersortem)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quodpersortem/pseuds/Bad%20Samaritan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when a Demon decides to give a  present to one of the Winchesters out of compassion (and, quite possibly, boredom on his own behalf).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Winchesters, An Angel and a Moose

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry, I have no idea what happened... But here it is so say thank you and leave a kudo (or don't... I'm fine either way).

It's a little past ten in the evening, when they first hear strange noises coming from outdoors. Sam's looking at Dean, who is looking at Cas, who is looking back at Dean.

"I am unfamiliar with this sound," Cas says, sounding a little unsure of himself. 

Dean gets up, grabbing the nearest rifle and loading it with the rock salt bullets. He opens the door and peers outside. Sam's behind him in no time, but there's not much to see. They venture outside, looking around for any signs of the supernatural (or anything natural and dangerous, really, they're almost at the Canadian border after all).

"Dean!" Cas then screeches from inside the building.

Dean is the first to hurry back inside, stunned by what he sees. Then Sam follows and he proceeds to raise his eyebrows so far that they almost touch his hairline. 

"What-" he starts, while Dean keeps staring in shock.

Right in the middle of their log cabin stands a moose. A honest to god giant moose. And it has a ribbon tied around its neck with what looks like a note attached to it. All in all, it looks like it's someone's present.

"Aren't these dangerous?" is the first thing that comes from Dean's mouth. Cas is still pressed up against the wall on the other side of the room, pleading Dean to come rescue him with his eyes. Dean's--well, he would do that but he's not too keen on the idea since, hello, big-ass animal. 

"Should we gank it?" Sam asks Dean as he points his rifle towards the animal, but Dean stops him, a hand on his brother's arm.

"It's a gift," Dean swallows audibly. "Maybe- Someone could get very upset if we kill their present." He frowns for a moment and then wonders out loud, "Is this why you should never look a gift cow in its mouth?"

"We don't even know for who it is," Sam rationalizes, "Maybe it isn't even for us!"

"Like hell it isn't," Dean grunts. Then he mans up and takes a step towards the moose, that (who?) immediately takes a step back. In Cas' direction. Cas squeals again and starts to move to the side, his back still pressed firmly against the wall, to escape the moosebutt. "Besides, Samsquatch, didn't some demon call you moose?"

"No," Sam says a little too quickly before he looks at the moose guiltily. "You think this might be Crowley's?"

"That sure would explain why it suddenly poofed into our room," Dean huffs. Cas is standing behind him now and Dean takes a quick look to see if he's still fine. He's a little paler than usual, maybe, but he's stopped trembling so Dean takes that as a good sign.

"So, what do we do now?" Sam asks, his gun still pointed at the moose, who seems a little terrified at the thought of getting shot between the eyes. Dean glares at his brother until he lowers the rifle. His petulant stare tells Dean, 'okay you are the mastermind now.'

"You should go up there and get that note from its neck," Dean tells his little brother and he's praying that Sam'll just follow his orders. Just this once.

Of course he doesn't. "Dean!" Sam whines, "Why?"

"Because you're the moose, damnit!" Dean says, and before he can stop himself, "Use the moose's mating call!"

"Moose don't use mating calls," Cas points out from behind Dean but Dean shushes him.

"He... It seems to like you, Sammy, just don't- It's not as bad as a clown, is it?" 

"I'll do it," Sam says after a minute, when the moose is still looking at them as if dumbstruck rather than ready to charge them. Sam rolls his eyes and then he starts to inch forwards to the moose.

Dean wonders if Sam'll ever get there, ten minutes later, when the moose's butt presses against the wall (please don’t poop, Dean thinks) and Sam starts to gently pat its nose. Cas is clinging to Dean's arm (though it's nowhere as annoying as Dean will later claim it was). 

"Okay, I've got it," Sam says eventually and he opens the letter. Even from where Dean's standing he can see it is quite long and while Sam's reading, his eyes flying over the lines, his eyes widen and he starts to--yes--blush.

"What's it say?" Dean asks, and if anyone's ever accused him of being a curious bastard? Well, they'd be right.

"It's Crowley's," Sam says, still looking a little dazed. "Uh, yeah, it's a gift, like you said."

"And?" Dean presses on.

"Apparently I must feel lonely because the two of you-" Sam waves his hand vaguely in Dean and Cas' direction. Dean just stares at him. "He thinks- Do I have to say this? Can’t you just read it for yourselves?" He holds out his hand, the paper folding between his fingers.

"No they can't!" Dean doesn't even have to turn around to see it's Crowley speaking. "Well, that was amusing," he laughs as he rubs his hands together. "Now, where were you, Sam?"

"Don't say it, Sam," Dean warns him, because he's suddenly got an inkling of where this is heading and he's not so sure if he's so comfortable with Sam knowing. Sam opens his mouth again, but the moose head butts him in his ass with its antlers and he shuts up. Dean isn't sure if that's Crowley's doing or just the moose's natural behavior, though. Maybe it’s on Sam’s side.

"He thinks you two are fucking," Crowley drawls and looks at Castiel and Dean. "So do I, by the way. And so I feared that our moose here might be getting a little lonely so I sent him a present."

"Great," Dean mutters before turning to face Crowley. "And how, exactly, did you think a moose would be good company for Sam? You freaked us all out."

Crowley shrugs and smiles at them. "Well, that's at least part of the fun for me." He wanders around the room, "Now, don't you boys have some alcohol stashed in here? This isn’t a good way to receive a guest."

Dean's staring wide-eyed at Sam, who's staring back at him and shrugging in a way that says, 'I don't know what's going on either'. 

"Can't you at least, I don't know, mojo the moose away to somewhere that's not right here?"

Crowley shakes his head, taking the cap off the bottle of whiskey he’s found. "Nah, that would be a waste of such a lovely animal."

"Put it outside?" Sam offers, and Crowley closes in on Sam at that. He takes a sip before he starts speaking again.

"Hm, because you asked so nicely," he tells Sam, pretty much breathing in his face and Sam's looking very, very uncomfortable. Dean curses himself for thinking that Sam's always been more into demons than angels because that's a mental image he really, really doesn't need, and then Crowley snaps his fingers and the moose is gone. "Don't worry though, it's outside." And, sure enough, Dean can see the moose through the window.

"So why are you really here," Dean asks Crowley, already drawing the demon knife.

"I can't just stop by and say hello to the Winchester brothers?" Crowley puts up his hands when Dean steps forward, "Ay, be careful with that knife there, boyo!"

"Really though," Sam says, falling down into one of the chairs. "Why are you here?"

Crowley shrugs. "I was bored, you were a lonely moose, I thought I'd have some fun with you lot." He grins at Sam. "So. Are you having fun? Read the rest of that letter yet?"

Sam glares at Crowley.

"So, whatcha say, Sam? You ready to take a ride on your moose? I tried to think of a name-"

"I hope it isn't Growley the second or something," Dean mutters, but Crowley ignores him.

"-But I think I'd best leave that to you." Then he snaps his fingers and this time Sam is gone. Dean is fairly sure he can hear his brother outside, screaming his lungs out. Crowley himself is gone as well so Dean walks out of the door, Cas following him.

There, they find Sam sitting on the moose, desperately clinging to its antlers. The moose itself is looking suspiciously sedate, and Dean wouldn't be surprised if Crowley did something to it--hell, he wouldn't be surprised if Crowley had created the animal. Or maybe it's possessed by one of Crowley's demonic minions and Sam and he should've ganked it after all. He’s talking about some sort of proposition that was apparently in the letter as well, which makes Dean raise his eyebrows because surely Sam said nothing about that?

Then Crowley clambers up on the moose, thus placing himself directly behind Sam, who is glaring menacingly at Dean. Crowley seems pretty relaxed though and Dean doubts he is going to get Sam into danger now. Just in case, though, he tosses the demon-killing knife towards Sam.

"Thanks," Sam says and Dean doesn't think he's mistaking when he hears the tremble in Sam's voice.

"Go have fun, Sam," Dean says, and Sam shakes his head vigorously.

"Yeah, we'll have fun," Crowley is leaning forwards as he says it and Sam can no doubt feel his breath on his ear. Then he turns back to Dean and Castiel. "You, too, angel-boy and Winchester. Oh, right, I installed a hot tub in the bathroom. Make the best of your free time while I'll teach Sam how to ride a moose properly!"

Dean does... not want to think about whether that pun was intended. Sam starts cursing at Dean for abandoning him and Crowley just grins confidently as he spurs the moose on to action.

It's surprising how little he worries about Sam right now. Maybe he's had it coming, anyway, for neglecting some important duties Dean rather doesn't think about these days. So instead of chasing after Sam with the Impala (he doubts it would do much good in the woods, really) he turns inside.

"What's a hot tub?" Castiel then asks him and Dean smirks deviously. Crowley might be a bastard, but at least he did get Sam off their neck for once and he's certainly going to make good use of that opportunity--and Cas will no doubt agree.

"Get undressed and I'll show you," he says, closing in on Cas and kissing him.

 

-

When Sam gets back, hours later, Dean and Cas are already asleep, curled around each other. Sam all but rolls his eyes and mutters, “Not fucking each other, huh?”

He’s a little sore still, but his mood is instantly lifted when he finds the crumpled piece of paper in the place he’d left it. He wouldn’t have liked for Dean or Castiel to stumble upon all the… obscenities Crowley described. 

Sam burns the paper over the stove before taking a shower. Then he crawls into his bed and hopes that his muscles won’t ache too much tomorrow.

In his ear, Crowley’s laughter is still ringing, so he puts on his iPod and goes to sleep.


End file.
